thought

The human mind strongly prefers certainty to uncertainty and simple, fixed explanations over complex, contingent explanations. The human mind has a second, superglue-like quality: Once a viewpoint has been plucked from the swirling chaos of beliefs and explanations, then the mind quickly solidifies that view, resisting any future modification. Very little energy is devoted to questioning the position, while enormous energy is devoted to defending it.

Sleepless nights

Trying times like these
when clouds of doubt surround you all over
When you can't tell right from wrong
When you look into the mirror
and can't tell who you are
Sleepless nights are here to stay
When loved ones turn strangers
When love is just another four letter word
When all you can say is fuck me, fuck you, fuck everything else
What is it that you turn to?
What is it that you dream of?
Why do you somehow like this feeling of dread and gloom
and feel pity on yourself
When there is no pain and there is no joy
just a barren field of rotten emotions
you just stand there and look around
tears don't come in the scorched desert of loneliness
There is no hatred, no jealousy, no pain
just a feeling of emptiness, a sleepy hollow
Forces of darkness engulf you and light begins to fade
Sleepless nights are here to stay
And days become cold, numb
Piercing the cold flesh
The blood flows aimlessly
through the brain heart and lungs
When the soul seeks liberation
Sleepless nights are here to stay

HBD my 'Hate'

Ever since we started to date
I love you to hate
I shrug you off when you cuddle up to me
Insecure I am, can’t handle that much love
I push you away and I know you don’t like it
Insecure I am, can’t handle that much love
I sometimes cry at night when you are asleep
I kiss your forehead and your eyes
I pray for your happiness
Squeeze the pillow under your head
And when you wake up in the morning
I push you again
I love you to hate
‘Hate’ that you are strong, independent, fearless
And I challenge you for that
Not because I underestimate you or doubt you or think u r gawar
But because I know you are much better than that
May be I want you to hate me
May be I want you to love
That’s why I push you
I hate you to love
I may not have gotten you a car in time
I may not have gotten you a house yet
You may think I don’t care about our future
But one day you will realize that I do care
That all this time I was having sleepless nights
So that we could get a car from the profits we make
And for our future, we save the rest
You may think that I don’t have any dreams or ambitions
Just because I don’t share
You may think that I like to sit at home
Wake up late
And dream about farming on the other hand
I want you to think that I am crazy
I want you to not know who I am
I want you to hate me
Because I can’t handle your love
I am too insecure for that.
You may think that I care more for others
As compared to you
That’s true coz I think of you as part of me
I may be wrong doing so,
As I don’t care about myself
May be I should think of you as one of others
Like the poor Mexican on the gas station
Searching for cans in the trash
Or the sweet little girl in Philippines
My Angel of love.
You may think I take you for granted
And the ‘others’ mean more to me
And you sure may be right thinking so
May be I should think of you as one of others
Something that is not me
And then I will care for you
May be I should ‘think’ of you
Because I never think about myself
I think of you as one
I am not gonna make promises on this Birthday of yours
Because promises can break
I wish you all the happiness in the world
May be you get it from a new car, a new house
A diamond ring or any other wish of yours
I truly wish that it makes you happy
And I can spend everything I have for that
I can sell my kidney for that
If it really makes you happy from within
But somehow I think you were happier with me on the LML
Or the scooty on our first valentine
Or the nights at GE
Or the bed and cooler in the scorching heat
Or the kiss on the bike on a sunny day(Quite recently)
Or when you were shouting in the canoe and crying
And I was fishing into the darkness
Oblivious to your fear of unknown
But all I know is you are better than that
Strong, independent, fearless
And I challenge you for that
And that’s why I go deeper into the woods
Because I love the time we spend together
Whether we fight or love
Shout, cuddle or shove
And I miss it these days
I miss you being close to me
I miss you shouting at me
And that’s why I shrug you off
It’s me being upset with myself
It’s me being upset with you
I think of you as one.
All I want you to know is
Don’t give up on me
Don’t doubt me
Don’t think that I don’t care
That I don’t love
Bcoz love is an emotion that is hard to express
At least for me
And that’s why
I just chose to Love you to hate
And if you managed to read this far
And if your vision is a little blurry
And innocent drops of dew
trinkle through your beautiful eyes
Then I am sorry I made you cry
I am sorry your eyes might be swollen for a while
I hate to see you cry
Sometimes you are the happiest
When you cry
Sometimes I love you the most
When I hate
I hope you understand me
Because most of the time I don’t understand myself
I think of you as one.
Now you may smile a little and give me a hug?
Or kick me in the ass for what I have done
Either way I love you to Hate.
I hate you to Love.
Happy Birthday my Hate, my Mate, My Love.


(And just in case, if you are wondering when I wrote this up
You would know the reason why I didn’t go to the mall with you
Yeah right, I had to do my expenses!
Nope, I was lazy and I don’t like going to the Mall
Pick whichever reason you want, neither is right or wrong.)

How to know what I want?

If I were a billionaire and didn't have to worry about money, how would I spend my time? What are the things I like to do? What is something I will never get tired or bored to do?

Here is an attempt to create a list of things I like:

Sunrise, colors in the sky, birds flying, birds chirping, clouds, low clouds, cold breeze in the morning, fresh air in the morning, dew, flowers, lot of flowers, getting inundated with flowers, red roses, white roses, lilies, sunflowers,tulips,petals, leafs, green leaves, yellow leaves, autumn leaves, buds, smell of spring flowers on trees before it turns to leaves, smell of rainwater on dry earth , watching a potter magically change clay to a pot, watching the wheel spin and the clay morph into various figures, spinning vigorously, writing a poem on it, making clay pots, vases, getting covered in clay, closing my eyes, sleeping, dreaming, running, running fast, flying while running, running in forest, climbing a high tree, jumping off a high cliff, jumping off a waterfall, watching a waterfall, listening to the sound of waives hitting the shore, walking at the beach on a full moon night, jogging on the beach, sun bathe on the beach, canoeing in a river, feeding the ducks, duck quacks with the ducklings, swan, white swan, pearl white big swan, hills, slopes, trails, riding bicycle in rain, riding motorcycle... to be continued

I am dead

I am dead
my heart aches
I feel no pain
All my love returns as vengeance
no one knows me, nobody cares
The streets of love, deserted they are
The air is dead,there is no rain
I am thirsty for a drop of love
running after a mirage in the desert sands
Gone are the soft petals,the red roses
I trot through dead cactus, carcass and thorns
Somewhere far away lies an ocean of love
of warmth, of care; no despair
I will die one day in this heat and desolation
I am dead now, I will be dead then
my heart aches
I feel no pain

The Shooting star

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The Shooting Star

It was dark inside and the audience was quite

May be there wasn’t an audience at all

Some were sleeping, others reading

I gazed aimlessly

Through the plastic window by my side

The vast emptiness of the stage outside

Lit it was, with countless stars

Hanging in there, on an invisible thread

Never vacillating, ever glowing

There were flashes all across the horizon

A storm must be brewing in the clouds below

The sky glowed like Bellagio’s fountain show

It was one beautiful sight

The stars stood there still

Was I even moving? Was it a paradox?

Awestruck I was with such mysterious thoughts.

It was then that I saw the most beautiful thing of all

‘A shooting star’ that sank into the flashes of lightning below

On a star-studded Spring night

36000 ft above the ground

through the plastic window by my side,

Flying back home to Dallas that night

It was one beautiful sight.

No One knows Who I am

No One Knows Who I Am
from the musical "Jekyll & Hyde"
Music by Frank Wildhorn, Lyrics by Leslie Bricusse

Look at me and tell me who I am,
Why I am - what I am.
Call me a fool and it's true - I am.
I don't know who I am.
It's such a shame,
I'm such a sham.
No one knows who I am.

Once there were sweet possibilities
I could see, just for me.
Now all my dreams are just memories,
Fated never to be.
Time's not a friend,
Hurrying by.
I wonder - who am I?

Am I the face of the future?
Am I the face of the past?
Am I the one who must finish last?

Look at me and tell me who I am,
Why I am - what I am.
Will I survive?
Who will give a damn
If no one knows who I am?
Nobody knows,
Not even you.
No one knows who I am.