HBD my 'Hate'

Ever since we started to date
I love you to hate
I shrug you off when you cuddle up to me
Insecure I am, can’t handle that much love
I push you away and I know you don’t like it
Insecure I am, can’t handle that much love
I sometimes cry at night when you are asleep
I kiss your forehead and your eyes
I pray for your happiness
Squeeze the pillow under your head
And when you wake up in the morning
I push you again
I love you to hate
‘Hate’ that you are strong, independent, fearless
And I challenge you for that
Not because I underestimate you or doubt you or think u r gawar
But because I know you are much better than that
May be I want you to hate me
May be I want you to love
That’s why I push you
I hate you to love
I may not have gotten you a car in time
I may not have gotten you a house yet
You may think I don’t care about our future
But one day you will realize that I do care
That all this time I was having sleepless nights
So that we could get a car from the profits we make
And for our future, we save the rest
You may think that I don’t have any dreams or ambitions
Just because I don’t share
You may think that I like to sit at home
Wake up late
And dream about farming on the other hand
I want you to think that I am crazy
I want you to not know who I am
I want you to hate me
Because I can’t handle your love
I am too insecure for that.
You may think that I care more for others
As compared to you
That’s true coz I think of you as part of me
I may be wrong doing so,
As I don’t care about myself
May be I should think of you as one of others
Like the poor Mexican on the gas station
Searching for cans in the trash
Or the sweet little girl in Philippines
My Angel of love.
You may think I take you for granted
And the ‘others’ mean more to me
And you sure may be right thinking so
May be I should think of you as one of others
Something that is not me
And then I will care for you
May be I should ‘think’ of you
Because I never think about myself
I think of you as one
I am not gonna make promises on this Birthday of yours
Because promises can break
I wish you all the happiness in the world
May be you get it from a new car, a new house
A diamond ring or any other wish of yours
I truly wish that it makes you happy
And I can spend everything I have for that
I can sell my kidney for that
If it really makes you happy from within
But somehow I think you were happier with me on the LML
Or the scooty on our first valentine
Or the nights at GE
Or the bed and cooler in the scorching heat
Or the kiss on the bike on a sunny day(Quite recently)
Or when you were shouting in the canoe and crying
And I was fishing into the darkness
Oblivious to your fear of unknown
But all I know is you are better than that
Strong, independent, fearless
And I challenge you for that
And that’s why I go deeper into the woods
Because I love the time we spend together
Whether we fight or love
Shout, cuddle or shove
And I miss it these days
I miss you being close to me
I miss you shouting at me
And that’s why I shrug you off
It’s me being upset with myself
It’s me being upset with you
I think of you as one.
All I want you to know is
Don’t give up on me
Don’t doubt me
Don’t think that I don’t care
That I don’t love
Bcoz love is an emotion that is hard to express
At least for me
And that’s why
I just chose to Love you to hate
And if you managed to read this far
And if your vision is a little blurry
And innocent drops of dew
trinkle through your beautiful eyes
Then I am sorry I made you cry
I am sorry your eyes might be swollen for a while
I hate to see you cry
Sometimes you are the happiest
When you cry
Sometimes I love you the most
When I hate
I hope you understand me
Because most of the time I don’t understand myself
I think of you as one.
Now you may smile a little and give me a hug?
Or kick me in the ass for what I have done
Either way I love you to Hate.
I hate you to Love.
Happy Birthday my Hate, my Mate, My Love.


(And just in case, if you are wondering when I wrote this up
You would know the reason why I didn’t go to the mall with you
Yeah right, I had to do my expenses!
Nope, I was lazy and I don’t like going to the Mall
Pick whichever reason you want, neither is right or wrong.)